We all know that Valentine’s Day has very little to do with the man whose name graces the day. So let’s move on from that topic and talk about what this day should really be called. FO Day, as in Fake Orgasm Day. I know at first it is a little shocking but give it some time to sink in. Valentine’s Day is about the managing of someone else’s expectations about what constitutes a good time on this particular holiday. You hope to manage their expectations so that no one gets hurt. It’s not that you want to be fake or disingenuous; in fact you’re hoping to communicate that you love them. Its just that putting so much hope in a single day puts a lot of pressure on it and, well, sometimes faking it makes everyone happy.
If you choose to rename the day as I have suggested I think you will find FO Day both lowers and raises your expectations in ways that are both pleasing and beneficial. It lowers you expectations by implicitly acknowledging that, yah, it’s not going to be as good as you hoped it would be. Our secret expectations could never really be met and so we should start to mitigate those desires now. But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to be fun. Pleasure is found in many ways and just because we may act like we love the flowers and gifts more than we really do doesn’t mean we didn’t enjoy the ride.
FO Day also raises our expectations by remembering that, hey, we’re still going to get something out of today. Someone is trying to say that they love you, that they care enough to put themselves out there like that. They are concerned enough about your feelings to, metaphorically speaking, close their eyes and scream that you’re the best thing they have ever had by the way they bring you chocolates and paper cards. And I’m ok with that. In fact, I really don’t mind. It’s better than just laying there, right?
FO Day should be a celebration. It’s not an embarrassing thing to be loved in that way. And at the end of a long day, when everyone is finally in bed, and all the gifts have been exchanged and the cards open, faking it just helps to put it all to bed.